Archive for the ‘Communication Tips’ Category

How important is getting the right word right when we speak?

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010
how-important-is-getting-the-right-word-right-when-we-speak

I was recently reading a post in the Guardian newspaper  www.guardian.co.uk  about Sarah Palin’s www.facebook.com/sarahpalin  malaproposims and how recently prominent US politicians have had a case of foot in mouth.

As we all know communication can be a movable feast, albeit with ones foot in ones mouth, however isn’t the message the sum of the parts?

For example parents think their  children can get their message across quite succinctly when they need to with out the whole Thesaurus . Mind you the communication can collapse when the message from the parent falls on deaf ears.

In our experience the emotion behind the message and the emotion of the recipient is essential for effective communication.

 If you are sitting listening to someone eloquently drone on in a bored “I’ve said this many times before” voice as a listener you can quickly tune out. On the other hand if you are listening to some one who is passionate about their topic and they get the odd word muddled we still  ’get it’.

Of course all this depends on how the receiver prefers their messages…there is always the odd one who is happy with the bore as long as their PowerPoint presentation is full of obscure interesting research and they can read and then tune out.

Thank goodness for people with passion!

Should you trust your intuition?

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010
should-you-trust-your-intuition

Recently a client was in a final interview and planning to make a senior  job offer to a highly suitable candidate.  Everything appeared to be going well, except that my client suddenly  became aware of a growing sense of uneasiness about the preferred candidate.

Follow up on that intuition

 They had conducted extensive interviews with the person; the referees were all glowing; when my client checked back with the rest of the recruitment panel they couldn’t understand his sudden wariness…but unease it was. Should he insist on pulling back, when up till then everything had checked out well; or should he trust their thorough process?

We discussed what had  happened at the two or three points when he got his gut feel. The comments were: ‘Oh, there was some  slightly negative body language in the candidate that didn’t align with what was being said…nothing much really…’  ‘Later on, I guess I just wondered whether the candidate would be as committed as we thought.  I don’t know why’  

We could call that unease ‘intuition’, but was it?  Gut feel or whatever you call it, I have learnt in positive and negative ways the value of trusting it.  Some years ago a searing recruitment experience decided me that if I ever felt a deep unease that didn’t relate to the evidence, I would at least carefully follow up on that unease.  In my coaching of a very wide range of people, I have found awareness of my intuition to be a very reliable indicator of what is really going on.

 I am very suspicious of ethereal versions of ‘intuition’.  I suspect so-called ‘intuition is just a bunch of minute clues that only we pick up subconsciously – then they build until we notice them as intuition. For more explanation of this, check out: Lifehack.  

If we define intuition as ‘perceptive insight’,  there some useful things for a practical person to tune into:

  1. In an intense discussion, we unconsciously pick up very subtle changes in facial expression, skin colouration and nuance of tone.  These are only minute clues until they cluster around a stronger general impression that we then experience as ‘unease’.  Don’t jump to conclusions, but trust the feeling and follow up on your concerns.
  2. When you notice a gap between the message communicated in the body language and the message in the words, look carefully at that gap. There are a lot of unsubstantiated claims about the messaging in body language, but research warns us to be alert around this type of misalignment.
  3. We also bring to the communication our experience in similar situations.  A relevant but past experience might be almost forgotten yet still trigger an alarm bells in the present. When we think about it afterwards, we will usually remember exactly what that experience was…and its lesson!

Obviously you have to observe the other person very carefully. The weird thing is though, that  to develop your perceptive insight, you have to listen very carefully to yourself.  Be  very alert to your own reactions.  Trust them. Don’t jump to conclusions, but do follow up on your instinct, by asking questions.

 There are some really good tips on listening to your own awareness at a blog with the appealing name of: hellomynameisblog  

So what happened in client’s case?   He decided to insist that the panel take the time to check up on his concerns. Having taken legal advice, they went back to the referees and that turned out to be a very good move.  Put briefly: They re-advertised!

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Change and choice the answer is in your hands

Thursday, July 8th, 2010
change-and-choice-the-answer-is-in-your-hands

Every Year around Christmas we start thinking about the new year and many of us make resolutions far too difficult to keep-especially if it is something that will break a long time habit e.g Not going to the gym ,or not eating sensibly!

Well its Matariki now the Maori New Year and as it is in the middle of our very long wet and cold winter maybe its time to make some resolutions and call them choices.

We all can make choices .Whether it is to take a breath and count to ten before we say things that are best not said. or perhaps its time to make the choice of saying what does need to be said -the courageous conversation. And we can always make the choice to enhance our skills and develop our potential -find out what we ‘can do’ rather than what we can’t.

It is a great time to change just think of it as your new New Year-Matariki.

Audience engagement

Monday, June 7th, 2010
audience-engagement

Coffee with my friend Lesley Moffatt is always stimulating. Last year she recommended this excellent book: Made to Stick by Chip and Dan Heath. I have been suggesting it to anyone who asks about audience engagement. 

Made to Stick

The authors are brothers.  Chip is a Stanford professor who researched and taught what made ideas stick.   Dan worked in the field of educational publishing and thus need to find out what makes great teachers great.  They realised they had both been focused on the same question: Why do some ideas succeed while others fail?

The result of their work is their book ‘Made to Stick’ and the ideas are enormously useful for presenting as well as many other fields. They have a blog at: Heath Brothers

They pin down six key principles of ’stickability’ and every single one is relevant to making your presentation engaging:

  1. Simplicity: We need ideas that are simple but also profound – this is why the Tui ‘Yeah Right’ ads caught on so well.
  2. Unexpectedness: We need to generate interest and curiosity: The Air New Zealand body paint ads are a case in point!
  3. Concreteness:Ideas need to be conveyed in very concrete terms so they mean the same thing to everyone.  The concreteness gives us a hook to hang the ideas on. Years ago I was very thrilled that my son’s general knowledge when I discovered he knew the capitals of nearly all the states in the US.  It was only later I realised that actually he knew all the ones that had good basketball teams, but  none of the others! The concrete fact of basketball enabled him to easily memorise the city names.
  4. Credibility: People must believe the idea. Sticky ideas are credible, but people don’t like lots of facts.  Something that appeals to our idea of common sense seems to work well, even if  it is wrong!  Fears about the risks of vaccination fall into this category.
  5. Emotions: We must get people to care about our ideas.Obama’s presidential nomination speech tapped into an emotional surge of hope with the famous lines: ‘Yes we can!’
  6. Stories: We need to get people to act on our ideas. Stories get us prepared to respond quickly and effectively. Stories are a major source of motivation for people in every walk of life. Stories can do 1-5 above as well as #6!

By the way, if you are on a school board, Lesley Moffatt provides excellent training and consultation for people working on school and other community boards. She has a blog at: Onboard with Lesley Moffatt

Change is great (if you are in control)

Thursday, May 20th, 2010
change-is-great-if-you-are-in-control

Recently I was one of the many people affected by the volcanic ash cloud that descended over the UK and caused havoc for people flying throughout Europe.

“Wow”, some people said, “How lucky. You have another week in London.”  I totally agree that having another week in London sounds great., however when you have planned to return and you have clients waiting for you, it isn’t so good.

We do a lot of work with organisations going through transformation, so we have learnt a lot about how people best manage themselves during change. For example, we understand the premise: ‘Manage what you can and don’t worry about the rest’

Aha! While the mind can rationalise, the heart, sometimes lets you down. I found it difficult managing when there was no reliable information, so that we didn’t know hour by hour whether we would be able to fly home. 

The news media gave dramatic accounts of the volcano.  It covered  information about previous eruptions and how it could be weeks or even months before it would be safe to fly.  Finally we got good reliable news that we could leave in two days and the relief was enormous.

In hindsight what have I learnt about managing myself during uncertainty?
Firstly it is hard to be logical during change, especially if there are no facts. It is essential that lines of reliable communication are available for all staff
The media like to make things as dramatic as possible; gossip moves in nanoseconds and both are often very wrong.

In future when I’m working with people who are in the middle of change and not in control of it, I will remember my own feelings of helplessness and stress. I will remember that I experienced them until the true facts emerge.  It made me realise   the importance of good communication.

How to get heard in a meeting

Wednesday, May 12th, 2010
how-to-get-heard-in-a-meeting

I was recently asked: “How do you speak up in a meeting when you are not sure if you have a valid point to make?  What can I say when I  haven’t had time to think out my response?”

This questioner said he needs to think things through before speaking up.  As a result he often leaves a meeting having said nothing. He has been told that colleagues believe either that he has nothing to contribute, or that he is disengaged from the discussion.  Can you relate to this challenge?

Often the easiest way to contribute is by asking questions and the questions can steer a group that is going around in circles.  Questions can arise simply from listening and enable us to contribute while we guide the group towards a more useful outcome. 

Goal oriented questions are one way to do this - for example:

  • What do we need to achieve in this meeting?
  • What would you like to be different when you leave this session or meeting?
  • What is important for the end user of this xxxx?
  • What do we want to be different about the customer experience?

Another simple intervention is to asking clarifying questions, such as: “What is an L.E.T again?” This will let people know you are listening.  You can also use summarising questions to ensure you have understood: “So for you to be comfortable with the new system you require more information on x, y and z?”

To be heard and  to demonstrate that you are involved – ask questions.  For some more suggestions look at an interesting article in the American Chronicle

Inspiring leadership what does it mean?

Wednesday, February 10th, 2010
inspiring-leadership-what-does-it-mean

Inspiring leadership what does it mean?

So often we read about transformational leadership and the words that go around it.
One of the most bandied about word is inspirational.
This word translates into a whole lot of different things depending on the listener.

I was recently talking to a very successful leader who is leading a transformation process and was to talk to his leadership team. When I suggested the team would like him to be inspiring he said “I can’t stand that word”.

On asking for more information I found he thought that being inspiring meant he needed to ‘act’ and have a show almost with balloons. He is a very effective quietly spoken leader and it was not how he wanted to be portrayed.

For me the word inspiring and giving an inspiring presentation to your team means being you. Speaking from the heart as well as the head is essential. It means giving real life examples –the stories the team can believe in.

We humans connect with stories it goes back to our cave dwelling days. There is something magic in the ability to tell a story that resonates with truth and connects the listener to the message.
That to me that is inspirational…not ‘putting on a show’

How to project maturity when you look young for your role

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009
how-to-project-maturity-when-you-look-young-for-your-role

Just yesterday a course participant talked about the problem of looking too young for her work role.   She has to represent her organisation at large conferences and  often finds that older people ignore her.

Interesting question. We could look at the problem as a problem to be solved or as an opportunity to be used.j0433082

There are some practical actions to take at that would help solve the problem:

  1. Tie your hair back, if it is long.  Make sure that your fringe is cut clear of your eyebrows. I guess all that applies to guys too.
  2. If you wear glasses, do wear them.
  3. Wear dark and reasonably conservative clothing – it creates an air of authority and people can see you more easily.  Dress for the job you want, rather than your current role.
  4. Work on your voice so you eliminate that Kiwi questioning tone when you are making a statement
  5. Watch your words so you get rid of self-reducing fillers such as ’sort of’ a little bit’, ‘I think’ and of course ‘um’ and ‘ah’. If you get good at this, have a go at getting rid of all forms of the verb ‘to be’.  This will cut out the passive voice and help you sound crisper and more confident – sorry – I should write: ‘This cuts out the passive voice.’

    Now you're impressive!

    Now you're impressive!

You could take the other option and view ‘looking too young’ as an opportunity to be used:   Arm yourself with curiosity and work on learning from these older people. How did they get started in their career?  What have they learnt? What are they noticing in current trends?  What advice could they give you on the challenges you are facing?  Who knows, you could acquire a very helpful mentor.