I also have the added problem (or excuse) that I’m left handed so I have had my uke altered to make it easier for me to play.

Here is the problem-the rest of the group look at each others fingers (you need to trust me here it is part of the learning!) to help them keep up with the new chords we learn each time we meet.  It doesn’t make sense to me as mine is really upside down and back to front.  Needless to say I am persisting and sort of managing to keep up.

The better player in out group has suggested (well told me really) to  ”Not look where you put your fingers on the chords but just go with the music.”     “What !” I replied, “I have to see where they go…”   .

It was one of those moments when I realised what we ask our participants to do when we are coaching  and training them in presentations.  “Put down your notes”.  “You will be fine without them” .”You know your stuff” etc etc.

How difficult it is to lose the ability to check and check again. Yes it interrupts the flow but it makes us feel better…even though I know it will sound better when I don’t peek.

How often do we as adults seek the comfort of what feels easier and safe?   To grow and succeed we do need to leave our comfort zone and take the big step of trusting to do what we know will make a difference.

So next week with the group I will endeavour not to look …it will take masses of practice at home, a lot of big breaths, but if we are going to be the best little band in Wadestown I will need to grow with the others and step outside my comfort zone.

Stay tuned for the next chapter…

Recently a client was in a final interview and planning to make a senior  job offer to a highly suitable candidate.  Everything appeared to be going well, except that my client suddenly  became aware of a growing sense of uneasiness about the preferred candidate.

Follow up on that intuition

 They had conducted extensive interviews with the person; the referees were all glowing; when my client checked back with the rest of the recruitment panel they couldn’t understand his sudden wariness…but unease it was. Should he insist on pulling back, when up till then everything had checked out well; or should he trust their thorough process?

We discussed what had  happened at the two or three points when he got his gut feel. The comments were: ‘Oh, there was some  slightly negative body language in the candidate that didn’t align with what was being said…nothing much really…’  ‘Later on, I guess I just wondered whether the candidate would be as committed as we thought.  I don’t know why’  

We could call that unease ‘intuition’, but was it?  Gut feel or whatever you call it, I have learnt in positive and negative ways the value of trusting it.  Some years ago a searing recruitment experience decided me that if I ever felt a deep unease that didn’t relate to the evidence, I would at least carefully follow up on that unease.  In my coaching of a very wide range of people, I have found awareness of my intuition to be a very reliable indicator of what is really going on.

 I am very suspicious of ethereal versions of ‘intuition’.  I suspect so-called ‘intuition is just a bunch of minute clues that only we pick up subconsciously – then they build until we notice them as intuition. For more explanation of this, check out: Lifehack.  

If we define intuition as ‘perceptive insight’,  there some useful things for a practical person to tune into:

1. In an intense discussion, we unconsciously pick up very subtle changes in facial expression, skin colouration and nuance of tone.  These are only minute clues until they cluster around a stronger general impression that we then experience as ‘unease’.  Don’t jump to conclusions, but trust the feeling and follow up on your concerns.
2. When you notice a gap between the message communicated in the body language and the message in the words, look carefully at that gap. There are a lot of unsubstantiated claims about the messaging in body language, but research warns us to be alert around this type of misalignment.
3. We also bring to the communication our experience in similar situations.  A relevant but past experience might be almost forgotten yet still trigger an alarm bells in the present. When we think about it afterwards, we will usually remember exactly what that experience was…and its lesson!

Obviously you have to observe the other person very carefully. The weird thing is though, that  to develop your perceptive insight, you have to listen very carefully to yourself.  Be  very alert to your own reactions.  Trust them. Don’t jump to conclusions, but do follow up on your instinct, by asking questions.

 There are some really good tips on listening to your own awareness at a blog with the appealing name of: hellomynameisblog  

So what happened in client’s case?   He decided to insist that the panel take the time to check up on his concerns. Having taken legal advice, they went back to the referees and that turned out to be a very good move.  Put briefly: They re-advertised!

. .

Well its Matariki now the Maori New Year and as it is in the middle of our very long wet and cold winter maybe its time to make some resolutions and call them choices.

We all can make choices .Whether it is to take a breath and count to ten before we say things that are best not said. or perhaps its time to make the choice of saying what does need to be said -the courageous conversation. And we can always make the choice to enhance our skills and develop our potential -find out what we ‘can do’ rather than what we can’t.

It is a great time to change just think of it as your new New Year-Matariki.

“Wow”, some people said, “How lucky. You have another week in London.”  I totally agree that having another week in London sounds great., however when you have planned to return and you have clients waiting for you, it isn’t so good.

We do a lot of work with organisations going through transformation, so we have learnt a lot about how people best manage themselves during change. For example, we understand the premise: ‘Manage what you can and don’t worry about the rest’

Aha! While the mind can rationalise, the heart, sometimes lets you down. I found it difficult managing when there was no reliable information, so that we didn’t know hour by hour whether we would be able to fly home. 

The news media gave dramatic accounts of the volcano.  It covered  information about previous eruptions and how it could be weeks or even months before it would be safe to fly.  Finally we got good reliable news that we could leave in two days and the relief was enormous.

In hindsight what have I learnt about managing myself during uncertainty?
Firstly it is hard to be logical during change, especially if there are no facts. It is essential that lines of reliable communication are available for all staff
The media like to make things as dramatic as possible; gossip moves in nanoseconds and both are often very wrong.

In future when I’m working with people who are in the middle of change and not in control of it, I will remember my own feelings of helplessness and stress. I will remember that I experienced them until the true facts emerge.  It made me realise   the importance of good communication.

Thereare important differences  between ‘influence’ and ‘persuasion’:

Persuasion is a more direct, short-term  activity and requires a larger emotional component.  Influence is more indirect, longer term and depends more on logic.  Persuasion mainly involves one way communication, whereas influence is often multi-directional.

There is an interesting post and discussion on this  at Saying What You Mean, and a thought-provoking acronym from Brian Ahearn that covers both persuasion and influence:  He says that influence is about

P. E.O.P.L.E.:

Powerful

Everyday

Opportunities to

Persuade, that are

Lasting and

Ethical

Many of us put a great deal of time and effort thinking about persuasion and not nearly enough into influence.  If you are not very articulate, you will  probably find it easier to focus on influencing rather than persuasion.  At least it is a more gradual process that you can plan and execute.

So look for those everyday opportunities and use them to build your influence.

When emotions are running high and there are differing points of view, often what gets expressed in conversation becomes very negative.  Next time this happens to you try using what is called ‘the duration effect”. Researchers in the communication field have found that people remember what they spend the most time talking about.  As you draw a conversation or meeting to a close take advantage of the duration effect by lingering on any points of agreement. This will build your ability to influence by focusing people on the positive. It will increase the opportunities to overcome barriers and move forward.

Occasionally a meeting can be so negative it is hard to imagine a positive note to close on.   At the risk of being labeled a ‘try hard’, however, even the fact that we have met and aired our differences can be positive….or not quite so negative.

A simple form of four quadrant behavioural style is a very practical way to look at four key different types of needs in an audience. There is a good summary of a four quadrant framework at: What planet is my audience from? .

1. Work out roughly which of the four types fits you. Whilst you no doubt have a wonderfully subtle personality, this main style is how you instinctively communicate – it is your default option. Unless you stop and think about it, you will use that main style.

So the solution is clear – stop and think about it!
2. Think about the most common type in your audience and prepare your presentation on the basis of their needs, not yours. Sometimes you will know the personalities of the key decision makers and can use the right approach for them. On other occasions, certain types dominate in particular jobs – IT attracts analysis driven people, social work attracts people who are very focused on how people feel and so on.

Some occupational groups attract certain types. If you are presenting to a group of farmers, many in the audience will be very task-focused and interested in the end point, not the journey along the way. Of course, not all of them will be like this, but this type will cover a fair proportion of the group. With such groups, give them the facts, get to the point quickly and give them room to make up their own minds.

Catering for some of the various types may require you to get creative. However, we can all communicate in a way that suits the other types, but for some of the styles we need to really consciously think about it.  The key is to present in the way the audience wants.
Try it out and enjoy the increase in audience engagement.

Does someone in your circle always can see the downside to anything positive you might have suggested.

I knew a woman once who managed to see only the bad never the good in a situation. There was always something to complain about and to comment negatively on. Even if the day had sunshine and no wind, she could always remark “But it won’t last.  We are sure to get rain and there is a cold gale due.”

Of course at times she was right, but she was so exhausting.

You will know someone with a similarly bleak view on life. The problem is that they can cause an epidemic of doom.

At present it is difficult to read or hear anything positive in the news . Certainly there seems a lot to be pessimistic about. So how can we inoculate ourselves and prevent the spread of this insidious disease? I am not a Pollyanna vaccine,  but there are ways to create a programme to build resilience and reduce the side effects of difficult economic times.

One action is to just use radical surgery. Amputate negative news.  Don’t listen to the whining pessimist.  Stop the spread gangrenous negativity. You may not be able to improve the world’s economic crisis, but you can change your reaction to it. Remember Monty Python and look on the bright side of life.