While everyone needs to be aware of their personal presence, as we take on more influential leadership roles, we  need to be even  more conscious of establishing our presence.

 The key to it is simple…..or is it?

Seek first to understand

The message isn’t new:  Great personal presence requires us first to simply be present to others – by listening to them very carefully. Steven Covey sums it up well with his quote: ‘Seek first to understand before being understood.’

This seems very straightforward, but most of us tend to go into conversations focused much more on our own point of view – what we find interesting, what we want to talk about and so on.  This approach certainly establishes presence, but of the wrong sort!  To develop a strong positive presence, we need to focus first on understanding where the other person is coming from in the conversation.  

 Active listening is the key communication tool for keeping ourselves present.  There’s a challenge though, because while listening appears to be simple, it isn’t often easy.  The process requires commitment and real discipline of our conscious thought. Sometimes we have to keep repeating to ourselves: ‘I really want to listen to this person.’  When we manage to focus in this way, we are truly present. There is a very powerful story that captures the magic of this combination in The Power of Presence and Listening: A Fellow’s Narrative by Musharraf Navaid MD, in the Journal of Palliative Medicine.

We often get asked the broader question: How can you assess audience’s reaction? There are the obvious responses of people falling asleep, looking angry, or walking out. But what about the more subtle responses? Usually if people are fidgeting or looking down most of the time, they are bored.

It can be hard to tell. In smaller centres in NZ, often audiences don’t interact much, but will stay on to discuss things  afterwards. In bigger cities, they may interact so much that you think you have made a whole lot of NBFF; then as soon as you finish, they leave!

Individuals within an audience may have unusual reactions.  Recently a client told me about a presenter who just used slides, each containing a great deal of information.  The presentation involved the audience reading them. Sounded tedious to me, but my informant said the presentation was fascinating, because of the interesting slide content. 

It is very difficult for a presenter to accurately read audience reaction.   You might think the whole thing was a disaster because you missed an important point, yet the audience may have liked it. At other times some of the audience may have looked grumpy and yet come up afterwards to say they thought it was great.

Some tips:

1. Ask someone before your presentation to give you feedback afterwards on the level of audience engagement.
2. Know your material very well, so you can stay mentally free enough to focus on audience reaction. 
3. If what you are doing is boring your audience, change it!

Recently a client was in a final interview and planning to make a senior  job offer to a highly suitable candidate.  Everything appeared to be going well, except that my client suddenly  became aware of a growing sense of uneasiness about the preferred candidate.

Follow up on that intuition

 They had conducted extensive interviews with the person; the referees were all glowing; when my client checked back with the rest of the recruitment panel they couldn’t understand his sudden wariness…but unease it was. Should he insist on pulling back, when up till then everything had checked out well; or should he trust their thorough process?

We discussed what had  happened at the two or three points when he got his gut feel. The comments were: ‘Oh, there was some  slightly negative body language in the candidate that didn’t align with what was being said…nothing much really…’  ‘Later on, I guess I just wondered whether the candidate would be as committed as we thought.  I don’t know why’  

We could call that unease ‘intuition’, but was it?  Gut feel or whatever you call it, I have learnt in positive and negative ways the value of trusting it.  Some years ago a searing recruitment experience decided me that if I ever felt a deep unease that didn’t relate to the evidence, I would at least carefully follow up on that unease.  In my coaching of a very wide range of people, I have found awareness of my intuition to be a very reliable indicator of what is really going on.

 I am very suspicious of ethereal versions of ‘intuition’.  I suspect so-called ‘intuition is just a bunch of minute clues that only we pick up subconsciously – then they build until we notice them as intuition. For more explanation of this, check out: Lifehack.  

If we define intuition as ‘perceptive insight’,  there some useful things for a practical person to tune into:

1. In an intense discussion, we unconsciously pick up very subtle changes in facial expression, skin colouration and nuance of tone.  These are only minute clues until they cluster around a stronger general impression that we then experience as ‘unease’.  Don’t jump to conclusions, but trust the feeling and follow up on your concerns.
2. When you notice a gap between the message communicated in the body language and the message in the words, look carefully at that gap. There are a lot of unsubstantiated claims about the messaging in body language, but research warns us to be alert around this type of misalignment.
3. We also bring to the communication our experience in similar situations.  A relevant but past experience might be almost forgotten yet still trigger an alarm bells in the present. When we think about it afterwards, we will usually remember exactly what that experience was…and its lesson!

Obviously you have to observe the other person very carefully. The weird thing is though, that  to develop your perceptive insight, you have to listen very carefully to yourself.  Be  very alert to your own reactions.  Trust them. Don’t jump to conclusions, but do follow up on your instinct, by asking questions.

 There are some really good tips on listening to your own awareness at a blog with the appealing name of: hellomynameisblog  

So what happened in client’s case?   He decided to insist that the panel take the time to check up on his concerns. Having taken legal advice, they went back to the referees and that turned out to be a very good move.  Put briefly: They re-advertised!

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Well its Matariki now the Maori New Year and as it is in the middle of our very long wet and cold winter maybe its time to make some resolutions and call them choices.

We all can make choices .Whether it is to take a breath and count to ten before we say things that are best not said. or perhaps its time to make the choice of saying what does need to be said -the courageous conversation. And we can always make the choice to enhance our skills and develop our potential -find out what we ‘can do’ rather than what we can’t.

It is a great time to change just think of it as your new New Year-Matariki.

So often we read about transformational leadership and the words that go around it.
One of the most bandied about word is inspirational.
This word translates into a whole lot of different things depending on the listener.

I was recently talking to a very successful leader who is leading a transformation process and was to talk to his leadership team. When I suggested the team would like him to be inspiring he said “I can’t stand that word”.

On asking for more information I found he thought that being inspiring meant he needed to ‘act’ and have a show almost with balloons. He is a very effective quietly spoken leader and it was not how he wanted to be portrayed.

For me the word inspiring and giving an inspiring presentation to your team means being you. Speaking from the heart as well as the head is essential. It means giving real life examples –the stories the team can believe in.

We humans connect with stories it goes back to our cave dwelling days. There is something magic in the ability to tell a story that resonates with truth and connects the listener to the message.
That to me that is inspirational…not ‘putting on a show’

A simple form of four quadrant behavioural style is a very practical way to look at four key different types of needs in an audience. There is a good summary of a four quadrant framework at: What planet is my audience from? .

1. Work out roughly which of the four types fits you. Whilst you no doubt have a wonderfully subtle personality, this main style is how you instinctively communicate – it is your default option. Unless you stop and think about it, you will use that main style.

So the solution is clear – stop and think about it!
2. Think about the most common type in your audience and prepare your presentation on the basis of their needs, not yours. Sometimes you will know the personalities of the key decision makers and can use the right approach for them. On other occasions, certain types dominate in particular jobs – IT attracts analysis driven people, social work attracts people who are very focused on how people feel and so on.

Some occupational groups attract certain types. If you are presenting to a group of farmers, many in the audience will be very task-focused and interested in the end point, not the journey along the way. Of course, not all of them will be like this, but this type will cover a fair proportion of the group. With such groups, give them the facts, get to the point quickly and give them room to make up their own minds.

Catering for some of the various types may require you to get creative. However, we can all communicate in a way that suits the other types, but for some of the styles we need to really consciously think about it.  The key is to present in the way the audience wants.
Try it out and enjoy the increase in audience engagement.

Does someone in your circle always can see the downside to anything positive you might have suggested.

I knew a woman once who managed to see only the bad never the good in a situation. There was always something to complain about and to comment negatively on. Even if the day had sunshine and no wind, she could always remark “But it won’t last.  We are sure to get rain and there is a cold gale due.”

Of course at times she was right, but she was so exhausting.

You will know someone with a similarly bleak view on life. The problem is that they can cause an epidemic of doom.

At present it is difficult to read or hear anything positive in the news . Certainly there seems a lot to be pessimistic about. So how can we inoculate ourselves and prevent the spread of this insidious disease? I am not a Pollyanna vaccine,  but there are ways to create a programme to build resilience and reduce the side effects of difficult economic times.

One action is to just use radical surgery. Amputate negative news.  Don’t listen to the whining pessimist.  Stop the spread gangrenous negativity. You may not be able to improve the world’s economic crisis, but you can change your reaction to it. Remember Monty Python and look on the bright side of life.

When the economy is tight and job losses a distinct possibility, you need your networks. These simple steps will help you so take courage and network!

Step one: Decide who should be in your network. Obviously there will be your boss and other senior people but don’t overlook your competitors, others within the organisation and those who seem to be ‘in the know’. Make a list of groups such as the Institute of Directors, Chambers of Commerce and other relevant industry bodies. To build your network you may need to join a service organisation, such as Rotary. Your university friends and associates may be amongst the decision-makers some time, so stay in touch

Step two: Take the plunge and introduce yourself. People are receptive to a personal approach. “I’m new here and I’m getting to know people who…”  ”I enjoyed listening to you at…” In January 2009 Harvard Business Review Lego CEO Jergen Vig Knudstorp says the Danes have an expression ‘managing to talk to people at eye level’. This means being able to talk to all people, regardless of their level in the organisation

When you attend a networking group, remember to do your homework about other people attending.  Once there, stand tall and confidently introduce yourself. It is easier to break into a small group than it is to a group of just two people. Try to talk to people on their own.  They will appreciate it.  Have your business cards available and use theirs to remember any relevant information. Follow up with a phone call or email within 48 hours.

Step three: Put yourself in their shoes. Send relevant information you know they might find interesting. Take them out for coffee and ask how things are going for them. Be a good listener. Send notes congratulating them on a new position. Think of networking as a two-way street.  You never know when that connection will prove valuable.