Communication Skills

“Long after people have forgotten what you said – they will remember how you made them feel.’

 Even with the best intentions, many of us react automatically and emotionally, especially when we are under pressure and emotions are running high. This is why communicating effectively isn’t always easy.

 Your ability to build rapport – making others feel at ease and more responsive to you, is critical to being able to influence. There are lots of things we can do to build rapport and the good thing is – they are all learned skills! One of the most valuable is our ability to listen actively. Research tells us that we are attracted to people who listen to us well. Through listening to others well we build an understanding of their needs.

 So often we focus on trying to be understood, versus trying to understand – next time you experience emotions running high – try walking a mile in their shoes.

 ”A fool persuades me with his reasons, the wise man persuades me with my own.”

We put a lot of things to the test during two months sailing the Pacific. Amongst other things we tested the theory of forming, storming (literally), norming and performing team stages www.businessballs.com/tuckman/  

Teams in the work environment tend to have the luxury of going home and giving themselves a break. This is a little difficult when we were all literally at sea together relying on each individual 24/7 in all weathers.

As www.joseph.conrad  in Lucky Jim “There is nothing more enticing, disenchanting and enslaving as life at sea.”

Soulmate’s team was made up of 4 men and one woman (me) and we have very differing levels of sailing skills but of course as we know a high performing team requires diversity.

So what makes a ‘good’ team?

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Early one morning a few years ago, I stopped to share yoga conversation with two young women out practising their yoga on the beach. They asked me to take a photo of them with their camera. I looked at that digital camera and couldn’t even work out where to look into it, let alone take the shot. At that moment I realised that the technology bus was at my stop and if I didn’t keep clambering on board, it would drive off without me.

I promptly began to raise my game, but that bus just keeps accelerating and I and many others stagger along behind in a vague electronic dust cloud. This month, just when I was feeling reasonably pleased with how we had developed this blog, Time Magazine produced its fascinating June 5 article on Twitter technology . Now I have to consider whether we should be twittering instead. Answer? I think not. But that same week I attended a session on the creative use of interactive whiteboards in training and discovered that it wasn’t very hard to learn how to use them. So that’d be good, but where to find the time and the ideas?

Talking on these issues with fellow baby boomers we found that collectively we were using quite a range of technologies, even if most of us hadn’t heard of most of them! For example, Dim Dim was complete news for me.

Our use of technology, (or even non-use!) forms part of our personal presence. So my question is: How on earth do we keep up enough to get the best from the technology without getting bogged down? I have searched that question on the web and not come up with many useful answers. I’d be very pleased if you have some good ideas. Here are my own tips so far:

1. Keep a technology question book and write down absolutely every technology problem as it occurs to you. Every How do you..?’ and ‘I am frustrated that I can’t…’ and ‘I wish I could..’. Then when the right opportunity comes along, asit will, ask the questions and write down the answers. I find that has helped lots. The tip really came from my wonderful mentor coach Leah McLean, at Working Solo. Her business in her words – ‘Demystifies design and technology for small business women’.
2. Find a good techo-guru, like Leah McLean, who understands your unique and relatively simple technology needs and also understands the technology, but is not hypnotised by it .
3. Talk to lots of different people about what you are doing and learning in technology and you will be surprised at the ideas and experiences the discussion generates. This third tip arose from the weekend discussions. The technology writers blog: I’d Rather Be Writing says that writers should keep up with the rate of change by writing about it. Maybe talking about it is the answer for the rank amateur.
4. Fourthly, talk with any of the younger generation you can access, but make sure you have some kind of power over them first, so they don’t subject you to copious eye rolling. I trade my son’s access to my car for non-judgemental input on technology.

All tips on this very gratefully received!

Involved in a team presentation? Remember that the best teams play as a group, not just as a bunch of individual stars.  Here are ten tips to make your team the winner:

1. Play as a team: Work out what you want each person to present and then all stick to the game plan
2. Set up your rules: Agree on the length of each person’s section and who should answer which types of questions.
3. Work out how you will pass the ball through your lineup: Decide on some link statements that will enable each speaker to pass seamlessly on to the next .  You can assist with this by getting to the venue early enough to decide on seating position and how you will physically swap around as each new speaker starts.
4. Appoint a captain: This person should start and end – setting up the game plan and finishing with a final message.  If the game goes into extra time, with surplus questions,  don’t just let the ball just drift out of play.  The captain should formally kick out with a definite ending.
5. Pool your knowledge of the audience: Get the team to put time into working out what the audience is looking for and what pushes their buttons.
6. Go to practice! Rehearse each presentation plus the whole team sequence. Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse.
7. Act like a team: Make sure each presenter reflects back and forward to other players’ sections, where appropriate.  During question time, make sure you spread the responses through your team, depending on specialisation. The captain may need to call the plays on this.
8. Shake hands with the other team: The first speaker should introduce the rest of the team and identify their role in the game. To assist with unusual names, wear clear name tags as well as including the team names on an early slide.
9. Keep your eye on the ball: When one person is speaking the audience will still occasionally glance at the rest of the team.  Don’t pick your nose!  Show that you are paying attention to the current speaker and keep an eye on the audience’s reactions, even if you have heard it all many times before. In the heat of the game, don’t lose sight of the objective.
10. Remember the importance of the before and after match function: The impression of your team impression will partially be created before and after the game. Make sure you keep a professional ambiance from the moment you arrive right through until you are out of sight.  Only then do your wild victory dance!

For some extra tips look at: team presentation