Communication Skills

Recently someone asked me for a quick practical tip to help a junior manager enhance her personal presence. The simplest one that came to mind was that when you are in a meeting, be conscious of what you want people to go away thinking about you.

Once you know your image purpose, you will handle situations more carefully. Do you want people in a meeting to think you listened sincerely?  Do you want them to think you are a fair and focused meeting leader? Whatever the image awareness you decide on, you will behave in a way accords with it.

Earlier this year I was working on presentation skills with a group of scientists. When I asked what they would like an audience to go away thinking about them after their presentation, one woman had an instant answer: ‘Oh, yes.  I want them to think I am 10 years younger than I am!’

I rest my case though.  If she thinks about that goal as she plans and delivers her presentation, it will take years off her age.

For some extra suggestions, here’s  a practical article from the Guardian

I was recently talking to my 6 year old grandaughter about an incident that had occurred at her school. She said the teacher had “told them off” and how she had found it funny. “Did you learn anything from what the teacher said?” I asked. “Um” said the 6 year old “Yes the teacher was in a bad mood.”
How many of us still find ourselves when being given ‘constructive criticism’ feel like a child being told off,chastised and small?

There is an art to giving feedback and many innovative organisations are creating a feedback culture to grow and develop their people.
This can be easier said than done.Many of us find giving confident objective developmental feedback difficult. Others comment on personality rather than behaviour “You are so stupid when you …”

Of course receiving feedback can be hard and according to research gen Y’s find any form of ‘criticism’ hard to take(but they don’t mind giving it upwards!). We often deflect the message or attack back and give as much as we can “Yes but I remember when you….!”

It is hard when emotions are in the feedback.

Some tips on feedback:
Do not offer feedback when you feel emotional e.g.angry,frustrated or disappointed.Wait until you can think through the situation and clearly and specifically comment on the behaviour and its effects.
Don’t save up all your ‘negative’ feedback and give it in one go!
Catch people doing something good.
Be specific and objective-its a great way to help people grow.
When receiving poor feedback (in the way it’s delivered) listen and then ask questions to clearly understand what the message is and try not to think they are just in a bad mood.
Don’t give them ‘feedback’ in return.

“He has a right to criticise who has a heart to help” Abraham Lincoln

“Long after people have forgotten what you said – they will remember how you made them feel.’

 Even with the best intentions, many of us react automatically and emotionally, especially when we are under pressure and emotions are running high. This is why communicating effectively isn’t always easy.

 Your ability to build rapport – making others feel at ease and more responsive to you, is critical to being able to influence. There are lots of things we can do to build rapport and the good thing is – they are all learned skills! One of the most valuable is our ability to listen actively. Research tells us that we are attracted to people who listen to us well. Through listening to others well we build an understanding of their needs.

 So often we focus on trying to be understood, versus trying to understand – next time you experience emotions running high – try walking a mile in their shoes.

 ”A fool persuades me with his reasons, the wise man persuades me with my own.”

We put a lot of things to the test during two months sailing the Pacific. Amongst other things we tested the theory of forming, storming (literally), norming and performing team stages www.businessballs.com/tuckman/  

Teams in the work environment tend to have the luxury of going home and giving themselves a break. This is a little difficult when we were all literally at sea together relying on each individual 24/7 in all weathers.

As www.joseph.conrad  in Lucky Jim “There is nothing more enticing, disenchanting and enslaving as life at sea.”

Soulmate’s team was made up of 4 men and one woman (me) and we have very differing levels of sailing skills but of course as we know a high performing team requires diversity.

So what makes a ‘good’ team?

(more…)